RULES FOR DIVORCE
....Make certain divorce is the best option for you before filing. If you have exhausted marriage or pastoral counseling and there has been no resolution, despite your hardest efforts, then divorce may be the only and best option left for you.
...If there is a case of physical, verbal or mental abuse, then divorce may definitely be the best thing, especially if there are children involved. No one is worth putting you or your children in the continual path of danger. You do not want your kids to grow up in an abusive setting and grow up to either become abusers themselves or get in relationships with abusers. By all means, you MUST get yourself and your children out of such a negative atmosphere.
...Please try to make certain, no matter how hurt and angry you may be at your ex or soon-to-be-ex that you do not badmouth them in front of your children. Your kids are already confused and hurting about your divorce and putting them in the position of "choosing sides" isn't fair. You may be divorcing your spouse, but he or she will always be the dad or mom of your child. If you have to vent, don't do it in the presence of your child!
...Get in a support group. Online support groups are a start, but face-to-face support groups are even better. Internet support groups may be a good place to start, since they offer anonymity and you feel more free to express yourself, but it is important to get in the presence of "real live" people, too, and not allow yourself to get alienated from other human beings. It will be good for you to meet with others going through the same experience as you. There's something about listening to someone else talk about what they are going through that helps you feel less alone. They might also be able to offer advice on legal and financial issues, as well, plus you might even form some good friendships.
...Start something new. It could be something as simple as joining an exercise group, signing up for a class, starting a new hobby, etc. You may not be ready yet to plunge into a new relationship, but it's important to your mental well being that you start SOMETHING new, to give yourself the feeling of making a fresh start. It might mean the difference between losing your sanity and becoming emotionally overwhelmed by the negativity of your divorce.
...Learn to love yourself. A divorce can give your self-esteem a beating, especially since it involves a lot of feelings of rejection. Take time out to make a mental list of all your strengths, attributes and abilities. You may need to do this several times a day, but it will evetually help you see yourself in a better light and to know you ARE a strong, victorious person, with great value. Sometimes in life, you have to be your OWN cheerleader!
...Keep a journal. Write down your thoughts, feelings, frustrations, etc. daily, while going through the divorce process or when dealing with its aftermath. You can write a little or a lot, it doesn't matter, as long as you do it each day. It's another great way to vent and, as simple as it sounds, is a terrific resources for healing. This is something men can do as well as women.
